Hodor's little hodor

So I'm reading the Game of Thrones graphic novel when I come across THIS panel:

Hodor says hi!

Um...WOAH! I don't recall seeing full frontal male nudity in the tv show, only gratuitous butt shots or female boobs and pubis. I applaud the artist of the graphic novel for not being afraid to go all the way. FYI this was found in Issue #17.

Oddly enough, Khal Drogo's little drogo is not quite so formidable as Hodor's little hodor, or maybe it's just the angle because the view from Drogo's panel is top down, which I will neglect to post here. You can just take my word for it. 

Twice in one issue, I'm impressed! But not as impressed as Hodor's new female fans.

Why I don't like Werewolves

So...I was flipping through my library's 25 cent bin when I run across the paperback shown down below and I'm like...naaaaahh.

Yeaahhh, but NO

I do love me an ol' fantasy book and I did make an effort to read the back but as soon as I see an animal on the cover my face just cringes and I repel it immediately like a vampire exposed to garlic.

It's not that I don't like animals...I just don't like reading about them, which would include all werewolf literature.

"So does that mean you're team Edward and not team Jacob? I don't see you complaining about Vampire Hunter D!" you might say.

Nope, any inclusion of werewolves automatically disqualifies the piece of vampire fiction. No offense to you, Jacob, but I don't particularly like Edward either. It's not you, it's me. In fact, the entire Twilight series is just below my mental age.

Rudimentary, my dear Watson

"Why are you so mean to werewolves? They are part human too!" chime the werewolf PITA.

I guess it all boils down to personal preference or something deep within my psyche. You see... I just don't like hairy men.

Wolverine: I am so hurt by your words!

I don't know, for some reason I just equate animals to children's fiction so anytime one uses animals as a main character, I just find it hard to relate. In fact, the last novel I read about animals was probably, like, Charlotte's Web or something.

It was Black Beauty, dumb dumb

Which is sad, because I'd probably miss out on some great fantasy novels, such as Redwall.

This story does have a happy ending, though. At the end of the day, I picked up the 2 parter Kingmaker, Kingbreaker novels by Karen Miller for 25 cents each! And I don't even know what this fantasy series is all about! But at least it doesn't have animals on the cover.

So cute, though...

Keith and I are dancing like Titans

Nope, haven't read the manga, only saw a few episodes of the anime, but watched the Attack on Titan movie! Let me just say that the idiotic main character made up for his stupidity by transforming into Super Titan.

Seriously, what's his name again?

And what is up with Potato Face? 

OM-NOM-NOM

Does she transform into Super Titan later? Because her maw is definitely big enough to cram 30 tater tots. I love me some mashed purtaters. 

Keith thought this guy was creepy. Let's just call him Apples.

Apples

Keith said he's supposed to be really cool in the manga but in the movie he gives off these creepy perverted vibes. And this is coming from a MAN. So now we've met gluttonous Potatoes and lusty Apples. Hooray!

Also, where can I sign up to be a Titan for the next movie? Keith can be the fat one and I can be the lazy one. Because that's where this review is headed.

So there we have it. My first movie review for Attack on Titan. Just skip the boring backstory and zip straight to the Titans attacking. Because that's what this movie is supposed to be all about, right?

Baron Byron Balazs, Noble of the Year

I would like to take a moment to bring attention to one of my favourite Nobles in the entire Vampire Hunter D series thus far. His name is Baron Byron Balazs.

Thar he is on the right! As usual D has to photobomb every portrait.

Baron Byron Balazs appears in the 4 part Pale Fallen Angel series, which spans Vampire Hunter D vol. 11 & 12. He is so cool that his story gets 4 parts! 4!

"But what about Mayerling?" says legions of Mayerling fans. "Mayerling falls in love with a human, like Romeo and Juliet. Their story is so tragic and sweet!"

God, Mayerling is so good looking in the manga!

No! This article will focus on the Baron only! Compared to the Baron, Mayerling is a nincompoop!

Which brings me to my first point on why Baron Balazs is so cool. Even though Mayerling is in love with a human, he still ends up biting at least one villager in order to whisk her away from her father, thus causing her entire village to become victims of the Nobility because of that one mishap.

Baron Byron Balazs, on the other hand, has not bitten a single human throughout his journey with D or even before then because...he just can't. He was programmed not to by the Sacred Ancestor from the time he was a baby in his mother's womb! Instead, he feels compassion for humans and gets his blood fix via those little blood capsules just like D.

I also can't help but feel sorry for the poor Baron. Unlike D, whose father is the *ahem* Sacred Ancestor, at least D's father seems to almost love him even, his one success. The Baron's father, on the other hand, hires a whole bunch of assassins to kill him, because he is ashamed of his human tendencies. His stupid father even tried to kill him as a child by exposing him to the sunlight! It's amazing how normal Baron Balazs turned out, despite having a batshit crazy dad.

Like D, he also has ungodly fighting skills, attacking people via projectile flashes that come out of his cape. In fact, D's Left Hand has commented on more than one occasion that the Baron's skills may rival or even surpass those of D's own. Someone even stronger than D, who is even stronger than most Nobles? Unheard of!

He is also able to survive in the rain and amidst running water, normally a great detriment to the Nobility's movements. Thus far, only D showed this kind of physical stamina. Whilst D is only a half noble dhampir, Byron is a full-on Noble. Just imagine how much harder it must be on him!

And did I mention mindspeak? He has this amaze-balls telepathic skill in which he can speak directly into people's minds, often from within the comfort of his amazingly pimped out carriage. Even D can't do that! 

And perhaps his most important quality that I think outshines D by miles and miles is that he is a perfect gentleman. D should definitely take some notes:

Just imagine this theoretical scenario in which I am trying to cross this chasm. What would D do? He would simply say, "too bad," (or more like ignore me) as he leaps across on his own, perhaps only zipping back to rescue me last minute if I decide to leap across anyway. Baron Byron Balazs, on the other hand, would say, "May I assist you young lady?" as he gathers me in his arms and we leap across together and land elegantly on the other side with nary a ruffle in my hair...well, you get the picture.

Why Vampire Hunter D may not be as cool as he seems

Admit it. We're all a little wary of hearing about how gorgeous Vampire Hunter D looks and how his face glows like the moon (author's words, not mine). But what if we discovered that, upon deeper reflection, he might not be as cool as he makes us believe?

I, like most of D's fans, was first brought into the fold via D's movies, or through Yoshitaka Amano's drawings. The books hadn't been translated back then, so our only sources were via these two mediums.

I remember at the end of the Bloodlust film, Leila has grown old as a grandmother while D remains the same. What incredible powers a dhampir has! Not only can he heal himself from grevious injuries, he also has incredibly good vampire genes that let him remain young forever. No amount of money or plastic surgery can grant us that! Since he is so old, he must be so wise too, right?

However, in the novels, if you compare his longevity to the vampire Nobility whom he encounters in his adventures, he is really...only...just a baby chick.

D wasn't born when the OSBs (Outer Space Beings) attacked Earth at least 5 millenia go. In fact, evidence suggests that he may not have been born in his human mother's womb, but actually, possibly created in a facility using his mother's fertilized ovum or something (see Vampire Hunter D vol. 13: Twin-Shadowed Knight) and imprinted with the memories of the Sacred Ancestor. So my guess is he's probably a couple centuries old? Older Nobles have been known to call him Stripling as well. Further proof is he doesn't seem to remember much about his past, hinting that again, his memories and combat skills were artificially created.

"So...not so wise now, eh, wise guy?" chortles Left Hand.

Also, while reading the books, I noticed a certain pattern in the way D speaks. Ever notice whenever someone asks him a question that he doesn't have the answer to, he answers by asking back a question, thus confusing the original person? He does that A LOT. To human eyes, his breathtaking beauty and demeanor seem cold, like why are you ignoring me?? In reality...he probably just doesn't know! To his defense, whenever he does choose to answer "I don't know", the person who asked usually gets upset because you'd expect the best looking guy in the room to have all the answers to everything! Yea, so no one's perfect.

And finally, for the big shebang... D is probably still a virgin. No, wait, here me out.

The farthest he's probably gone is to bite someone, causing rapture in the individual which supposedly is better than sex. Maybe that's why he loathes vampires so much because he sees his own faults in them. At least, that's my theory. Never is anything revealed about his love life because...perhaps he doesn't have one! From what I've read so far, the only woman he could really love is probably his own mother - she's the only person who appears before him during an intense psychological attack in Vol 2: Raiser of Gales, the only woman who's made a strong enough impression on him to be used against him in this manner.

So, in my mind, I'll just assume he's a virgin until the author proves otherwise. His Left Hand, on the other hand, does seem like he knows a thing or two about women....

chortle snort!

Can I borrow D's Left Hand?

Hey there....

As Luna cries yet again as I attempt to vaccuum the floor (she's scared of the vaccuum cleaner, yeeesh) I can't help but fantasize how great it would be to have my very own Left Hand to help around the house.

Vampire Hunter D's parasitic Left Hand has been indispensable to D's adventures, bringing him back to life numerous times, catching blades in its cute little mouth, providing human conversation when D can't be bothered to answer (or too lazy to, I tell you)....

How useful would it be to use Left Hand's gale force wind to suck up all the cobwebs, spiders and dust around the house in one second or less? Kind of like Doraemon's pocket, Left Hand can also store useless crap in its interdimensional storage space mouth!

Whooosh!!

Ta-dah!

In fact, Left Hand would make such a great babysitter, he could even change Luna's diaper, catch her when she falls, rock her to sleep at night...

...while simultaneously sing her bawdy lullabies and teach her how to stick up her middle finger.

...Nevermind.

Never read Vampire Hunter D while eating mystery meat

"The brutally crushed head's right eye dangled over the chest by its optic nerve, the lips and nose had been turned inside out, and every last tooth was missing. A dry substance that appeared to be brains spilled from the ears . . ."

...and as I read this passage from Vampire Hunter D: Tyrant's Stars, the supposedly chicken meat gyoza I'm chewing in my mouth all of a sudden...feels...oh god, what exactly is this mush in my mouth that looks red on the inside with juices spurting out, oh god oh god oh god blarrrrgggghh.

Why Luna is a Vampire Noble

In the post-apocalyptic world of Hideyuki Kikuchi's Vampire Hunter D, the vampire Nobility or "Nobles" as they stylize themselves fear the usual vampirific things such as sunlight, wooden stake or steel through the heart, crosses, etc.

However, one thing that makes them squeee to the point that it seems almost ridiculous is...water.

Vampire Nobles have been known to drown in water only a foot deep. So the best way to hide from the Nobility is to literally hide behind your toilet!

Which brings me back to why I believe Luna is a Noble.

Every time she hears the sound of running water in the tub she gets SCARED. If that isn't the mark of the Nobility then I don't know what is. 

This is discounting the fact that she often feeds ravenously at my breast, and has even been known to bite me a time or two. I know her top front fangs teeth have yet to come out but, until they do and can prove otherwise, Luna has the makings of the Nobility.

Besides, doesn't the name "Luna" sound like a beautiful Noble gazing up into the moonlight?

Vampire Hunter D is a half Noble Dhampir. Arguably the best-looking man in the universe. Cover art for Vampire Hunter D vol. 6 by Yoshitaka Amano.